Tag Archives: Orphan

Addressing My Broken Heart

Over the years I have continually run into the problem of my broken heart.  I won’t deny that my own sin has contributed to my heart wounds.  But that is not what this post is about.  I have spent plenty of time and effort testifying to my own sin and as a result God has washed me with waves of healing.  He is merciful.

What I want to discuss is how God has helped me address the pain other people have caused me.  My heart has been pierced by many people in my lifetime.  I have done all kinds of things to deal with my heartache and still the battle rages on.    As time passes I feel less pain from traumatic experiences, but for a long time I wrestled with the same old wound resurfacing.  Inevitably, something will come up that triggers memories of the original trauma and in a heartbeat I am right back in the victims quarters.  It’s a terrible feeling when something threatens to break open an  old wound.  I get irritated when I’ve forgiven an offense, taken steps to move past an issue, and it rears its ugly head.

I’ve had to ask myself and God,

“Why? Why am  having I having to deal with this all over again?”

The book of Ecclesiastes says that there is a time for everything under the sun and that includes a time to heal.  I’m so thankful that I can count on God. He has appointed a time to heal me.  Sometimes the hurt that keeps rising up is God. He has to reach into my heart and remove all that doesn’t belong there.

I have gone through seasons of desperately trying to medicate my pain. As well as the genuine effort to “fix” myself.  I’ve tried ignoring my pain, and unfortunately, I’ve developed quite a tolerance.  Pain must eventually be confronted. Confrontation is a little bit like working out. I don’t like confrontation, but I can do it. I don’t want to do it, but I know I have to.  A broken heart must be addressed.  If I don’t do it or can’t do it, I can count on God to address it.

“Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.” Ecclesiastes 3:15

I have some safe people in my life.  These safe people are approachable, they don’t spew toxic poison when I bring up a problem in the relationship.   In those relationships I have been able to successfully engage in healthy conversations that get to the root of an issue.  Although these conversations can be difficult and even uncomfortable, they are ultimately very rewarding.   Having these conversations has proven in my experience to lessen the distance between me and whomever I’ve had a conflict with.     Having a difficult conversation with a safe person can and most often brings a new level of intimacy and can even resolve a matter entirely.

As a believer in Jesus, I am called to forgive any and all people who offend me.  Reconciliation on the other hand requires the person I forgave to do something.  I have no control over this other person.  I can only do my part.  I’ve forgiven people who are no longer in my life, not because I had to but for my own healing.  Some of the people I’ve forgiven have died and there is no opportunity for reconciliation.  Then there is this other group of people who are toxic. Toxic people are proud and arrogant.  They never admit when they are wrong.  They are not approachable and will avoid working on problems.  Toxic people shame and blame, instead of owning their owning their part.  Also, toxic people will lie to you when telling the truth is hard.

I’m getting better at forgiving the toxic people and keeping myself safe.  I try my best to forgive those toxic people and leave that time bomb and all the shrapnel that goes with it in God’s hands.  It’s incredible, but I’ve had to learn to stay away from unsafe people.

Henry Cloud wrote in a post, Time Actually Doesn’t Heal All Wounds

  “If someone breaks your heart, and you don’t do anything to address the emotional trauma that person has created within you, sure, over time, you might not think about it as much. But it will never be too far from the surface. Those emotional wounds will be ready to rip right open again at the slightest suggestion of any kind of similar trouble.”

I used to believe that pain rising up again was because I hadn’t fully forgiven.  It seemed I could only get so far and I was never completely healed.  The wall that I kept running into was not my need to forgive.  The wall I have repeatedly run into has been the hard, unrepentant heart of an offender.

Rebuke a mocker and they will hate you.   I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. Too bad for me I didn’t learn it the first time. I have received verbal beatings as well as physical.  Silence doesn’t necessarily mean that I agree with a person.  Sometimes it means that I know raising my opinion, however gentle I may be, is not safe.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, Proverbs22:24

One day when I was running into the same old wall, feeling that familiar ache in my heart, it hit me.  A light went on and everything became so clear.  I knew  beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was in fact right and the offender was in fact wrong.  I also knew that my only hope for justice and healing would have to come from God.

Not all people are safe.  I know God wants me to try to reconcile with other people, but try as I might there are times when this just can’t happen.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”  Psalm 34:14
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When it is obvious that I am getting a child’s response from someone who looks like an adult, I try to retreat.  “The wise person sees danger and takes precautions, the fool keeps on going and suffers for it.” Proverbs 27:12  Sure, I have to be humble and that is hard, especially when I feel I’ve been wronged.  It takes strength to forgive a person who isn’t even sorry.  I know God can handle the situation.  He lifts up the humble and He brings the prideful down low.

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”” Matthew 11:28-30

Please Pray for Wendy

I received a prayer request from Billiance Chondwe who is a friend of mine. I first met Billy at The Christian Alliance for Orphans Conference in 2013.  I was standing in the lobby at the Best Western where I was staying and I felt a tap on my shoulder.  When I turned around Pastor Billy was asking me if I was attending the CAFO conference.  We got to talking and when I asked him where he was from he said Zambia.  That was when I realized he was the man I had seen on stage who had started Orphan Sunday. If you don’t know what Orphan Sunday is you can find more about it at http://orphansunday.org 

It was an amazing moment for me to realize that the God I love so much would orchestrate it so that of all people in the world, Pastor Billy would tap on my shoulder and want to talk to me. Over the years we have stayed in touch and sent many prayer requests back and forth regarding orphans and vulnerable children and adults that God has put in our lives.

One thing that I found interesting was the fact that even though God called me to be a voice for Orphans, many of my friends and family have not seemed the slightest bit interested in the orphan crisis. I have discovered that a lot of what I have to say has fallen on deaf ears. Yet steadily over the years Pastor Billy has checked in with me and I have been thankful. I have been thankful to know that on the other side of the world someone is sending prayers up to God and standing in agreement with me for the people God puts on my heart.

This week I received an urgent prayer request for a young lady named WENDY NAKAMBA. After praying about it I asked permission to share the need here at An Orphan’s Battleground.

Below is a copy of the request I received from Pastor Billy.

“Greetings from Pastor Billy. I pray that you are well and the Lord is richly blessing you indeed.

We do have a girl named WENDY NAKAMBA aged 25years old whom the Lord permitted me and my family to meet 4yrs ago when she drop out of school at 21years old in her first semester studying General Nursing because she was always sick due to her been HIV/AIDS positive.

We used to see her always struggling with her grandfather who was in the late 85years old so we committed ourselves to support her with prayers, food and sometimes school fees. This year by Gods grace she is in her final year to complete and graduate with a Diploma in General Nursing but she has been given deadline on 11th August to settle her $265 she owes the school failure to which she will be not go on Monday 14TH August, 2017 for RURAL and URBAN experience which plays a key role towards her graduation by end of November, 2017.

We as a family we have decided to take her and she stays with us therefore your support in prayers and any contributions towards the above amount will greatly be appreciated.

Any financial support towards her can be sent to : CATHERINE NANYANGWE (My Wife).

Once again your help and prayers will be greatly appreciate to see this girl graduate and contribute positively to the well being of her life and nation. I also forgot to mention that she has no family because her grandfather eventually went to be with the Lord hence we took her in.

I wait to hear from you soon as the Lord enables you please.

Pastor Billy”

What struck me about this request was how easily the financial need could be met by so many people here in America.  This is pocket change for some people but for Wendy it is a game changer.

“Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward them for what they have done.”
‭‭‬‬Proverbs 19:17 NIV

Pastor Billy sent an update telling me he is thankful for the prayers and that $50 has been donated.   Wendy was sent home from the school even though Pastor Billy sent someone who pleaded with them to give them until August 14th as he looks for the Lord to provide. They are still in need of $215.

I invite you to be a difference maker!  Here’s how you can help:

  • Pray for Wendy that God would provide for her financially,  physically, spiritually and  her emotional needs.  Pray that Wendy may know that there is a God in heaven who loves her and will make sure she is taken care of.
  • Share this prayer request!
  • Give your financial support to Wendy. If you are able to fund Wendy’s financial need in part or in total please contact Pastor Billiance Chondwe at billiancechondwe@gmail.com

 

 

Are You Reading Your Bible Yet?

Bible

When I was going through my first divorce I was in the habit of calling my Dad whenever I was having a hard time coping. Which was basically every day. I was ill-equipped at handling the storms in life and by the time  my marriage was crumbling, I was barely keeping my head above water.  I would call my Dad crying about my problems of which there were many. He would always ask me the same question.

“Are you reading your Bible yet?”

I wasn’t reading my Bible. I always had my reasons.

  • I’m trying to raise two kids here!
  • I’m working 24/7
  • I’m just trying to survive!

One day my Dad made an abrupt shift.  He said,

“Alison, you need to read your Bible. Now go and read it, and don’t call me back until you do!”

Then he hung up the phone! That was it, straight and to the point. To bad for me I didn’t heed the warning. If only I had listened I would have learned a valuable lesson that God has for all of us in Ephesians 6:1-3

 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”[a]