When I’m out in nature I love to stop and take pictures of the flowers in bloom.  It’s healing to my soul.  When I get up close I can see God’s fingerprints all over his creation. Some days my prayers feel a lot like gardening.  I can sow a seed, water it, but God gives the growth.

One day my kids and I were talking about prayer and one of my daughters said, “It’s easy for you Mom. God answers all of your prayers.”

I stopped what I was doing and looked up. A million unanswered prayers swirled through my mind.  Then I thought of the countless times God showed up in amazing ways. I marveled at my daughter’s comment and said, “You think God always answers my prayers?”

She went on to point to some times where she had seen God show up in huge ways in my life.  I leaned back in my rocking chair reminiscing on God’s faithfulness.  He has blessed me with a beautiful family, a house, a car.  He has given me opportunities, wisdom and faith.  He has provided for me abundantly in every way. God is good.

But then I felt a twinge of pain in my chest as I started to remember all of the times I had prayed in faith, believed God would show up in a particular way and then He didn’t.

God let my Mom die when I was nine.  I lost my house when my husband left me.  I’ve lived through financial disaster.  For the last several years I’ve been really sick and God has allowed it to continue on.  God always answers my prayers but He doesn’t always give me what I want.

My job is to pray, wait and trust God for the outcome.  I know God is trustworthy. I can hear Him whispering to my heart. “Do you trust me Alison?”

Oh how I wish the answer was always yes. But some days all I can muster is, “I’m trying to trust you God. I want to trust you God. I do trust you, yes I do. But could you tell me what you’re doing? Because this doesn’t make sense.”

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5,6

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8